Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
