i will never coherently bang her
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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