you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
