Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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