I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
