Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
