He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
