Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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