i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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