do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
