You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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