I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
