those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
