This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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