Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
