pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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