I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
