went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
