I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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