Kiss
Puke
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
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chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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