Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
