I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
