Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
