you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
