College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
