hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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