you win again, gameday.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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