why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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