I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
