Me too!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
