So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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