Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
