Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
