there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
