you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
