so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You've changed since you got that strap on
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
