Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She's the barista slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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