he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
