you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
