Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
