At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
