I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
