My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
