Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
