A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's never too late to be topless.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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