i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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