It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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