Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
