I am in a vortex of obligation.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
