he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
