Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
