Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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