sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
