i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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