At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
