4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
