May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
