She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
