What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.