even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.