Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(602): View more from Arizona

well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized

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(714): View more from California

It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends

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(419): View more from Ohio

having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work

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(504): View more from Louisiana

She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.

(847): View more from Illinois

Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.

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(719): View more from Colorado

I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me

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(847): View more from Illinois

Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.

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(786): View more from Florida

Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole

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