Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask