I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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