Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I love how my cats smell like pot.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia