i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.