Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
