proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dick very happy bro
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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