Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
