whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
