Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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