I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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