I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
