she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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