You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
