This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
