didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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