Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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