went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
