Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
