If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
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